Centers of Influence

How to Say No – Without Damaging Your Relationships

September 21, 2011 By Barry

A “no” uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a “yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

– Mahatma Gandhi

One of the biggest reasons why people don’t like to say no is because they don’t want to damage a relationship.

There’s a great book called The Power of a Positive No by William Ury. The basis of this book is that there has to be an underlying yes that causes you to say no. The book gives a three-step process:

Step #1: Uncovering your “yes”

What’s the “yes” that you’re committed to, or that you believe in, or that you’re passionate about? This might be your family, your health, your well being, or doing work that you love.

In order to find a “yes”, it’s really important to understand our values, our beliefs, our commitments and our priorities. If we understand those things, we can make decisions that fit with them. Sometimes, that requires us to say “no” – but it also allows the person on the other side of the “no” to understand our reasoning.

Step #2: Empower your “no”

Use your “yes” as a reason and a justification to help you recognize that “no” is an appropriate response.

Saying “no” is about being present to what matters – and if we don’t say “no”, it costs us.

Step #3: Find an alternative “yes”

Decline the request gracefully, and instead of just saying “no”, offer an additional option or suggestion to help the person solve the problem, without you necessarily being involved.

When I have to say “no” to someone, I acknowledge that the request that they’re making does appear important, valuable, useful and/or relevant. I share the circumstances that prevent me from helping, or that have me make a different choice.

Observe your unhealthy yes’s and unhealthy no’s and reflect on what works and what doesn’t work. For instance, you might know that you need seven hours sleep to be your best, so you don’t want to say “yes” to a friend’s request to have another drink in the evening.

Take a moment to think about the things that you want to say “yes” to in your life. Is there anything that you need to say “no” to, as a result of these?

Developing Your Centers of Influence

August 10, 2010 By Barry

Barry Demp

Centers of Influence are individuals who possess the ability to provide great personal relationships and business relationships. These are the types of individuals that you may aspire to be both personally and in business. Here are some characteristics of people who would be considered a Center of Influence. How many of these apply to your world?

Know everyone who is anyone.
Are very social people – they love connecting people.
Are members of elite networking groups.
Are often experts in their fields, often called upon to speak to groups.
Hold community leadership positions.
Are board members of organizations.

Barry Demp is a highly-skilled Michigan personal and business coach focused on the areas of leadership, management, coaching, team building, networking, business development, communication skills, relationship building, motivation, time management, life balance, and goal achievement. He specializes in working with business owners, executives, coaches, consultants, and high-potential professionals by helping them significantly increase their productivity, profitability, and life balance. For more information or assistance, please contact Barry Demp at 248-740-3231 or visit www.dempcoaching.com.

10 Really Good Business Networking Tips

July 28, 2010 By Barry

At first glance, networking appears to be a very easy activity. However, like anything else in your professional life, to be great at it requires a lot of time and effort. In our series the Do’s and Dont’s of Networking, we offer additional tips on how to best approach networking opportunities and functions.

Ask the question “How would I know if somebody I know would be a good prospect for you?”
Focus on others, rather than on your needs, at networking events.
Give many referrals to others.
Network with people with outstanding reputations.
Avoid trying to sell people in your network.
Make a good first impression in your attire, manners, and attitude.
Come prepared with a good pen, business cards, and other materials.
Learn how to gracefully escape from long-winded conversations.
Does your personal introduction pass the “So What?” test?
Cell phones should be left in the car or turned off.

Barry Demp is a highly-skilled michigan business and personal coach focused on the areas of leadership, management, coaching, team building, networking, business development, communication skills, relationship building, motivation, time management, life balance, and goal achievement. He specializes in working with business owners, executives, coaches, consultants, and high-potential professionals by helping them significantly increase their productivity, profitability, and life balance. For more information or assistance, please contact Barry Demp at 248-740-3231 or visit www.dempcoaching.com.