Personal Achievement

Why Your Resolutions Often Fail – And What You Can Do to Succeed

December 16, 2011 By Barry

90 – 95% of New Year’s Resolutions fail.

Whether we’re trying to save more money, lose weight or stop smoking, we run into difficulties. That’s because these things have created other habits in our lives.

This year, rather than saying “New Year’s resolution”, you might want to call your goal a “New Year’s promise” – this has a greater level of integrity. Give your word and keep your word … but to fewer things.

Building a New Habit

It requires discipline to keep to a resolution and build a new habit. (Once the habit is ingrained, it becomes easy.) Instead of trying to do everything at once, choose only one or two major resolutions at any one time, then work on them for at least two or three months. Then you can pick another one or two.

To be more disciplined, you need to take poor choices away. Keep cookies and ice-cream out of the house: if it’s not there and you really want it, then go to the store.

If you can, make the “right” choice automatic. If you want to save more money, set up a regular payroll deduction so that the savings are made automatically without you having to take any action.

Breaking Old Patterns

We have to break patterns so that new worlds will emerge.

How motivated are you? How desirable is that change? Do you genuinely want it … and do you truly have the ability to do it? Without the motivation and ability, no amount of support will help.

Look for two key levels of support:

Social support
Structural support

Social Support

Family, friends and colleagues can all help to encourage you towards your goals. Accountability is a powerful force – if you tell people what you’re going to do, you’re more likely to stick with it.

Look for innovative ways to use this social support: e.g. “If I don’t keep to this, I’ll pay you $1,000…”

Structural Support

Organize things to maximize your chance of reaching your goal.

Some people hire personal chefs or get food services to deliver portion-controlled, nutritionally-balanced meals to their home. This isn’t overly expensive compared with going to a restaurant – perhaps $5 – $10 per meal.

One New Year’s Resolution Examined: Losing Weight – Successfully

Over two-thirds of Americans are overweight and obese, making “losing weight” a very common New Year’s resolution.

You may have tried and failed to lose weight before. If the behavior you engaged in before didn’t work, then change it. If you’re doing a certain type of exercise and not losing weight, then you need to change your routine, and look at the foods you’re eating.

It takes a 3,500 calorie deficit to lose one pound. To lose weight, you need to exercise and burn extra calories, or you need to take fewer calories in: ideally, you’ll do both.

These tips can help:

Out of sight, out of mind: don’t keep candy dishes around the house during the holidays. Put food away and out of sight. Empty out the candy stash in your office drawer.
Work on your goal as part of a community, e.g. at your office. Many offices will have a weight-loss challenges and regular weigh-ins together. They may have a personal trainer come in a couple of days a week and run exercise classes at work.

Don’t get hung up on achieving the “perfect” figure. You may simply need to be happy with who you are and what you have. If you exercise and eat fairly well, then accept your natural shape.

If you’re interested in improving your health, take the free real age test online: this lets you look at different factors that can make you more youthful and vibrant.

Help and Support with Your Resolutions

It can be tough to make changes on your own. If you want to improve your professional life or personal life, take a look at my coaching services or contact me with any questions. I would be delighted to help you to take new strides in 2012.

“I heartily recommend Barry for any individual or organization that wants to realize their potential.” – Ted Canaday.

Be Happier in Your Career by Finding and Expressing Your True Values

November 2, 2011 By Barry

If you’re going in the wrong direction, derailing yourself intentionally is very difficult – but very worthwhile.

During the current economic troubles, many people’s plans have been derailed – and perhaps this has happened to you too. If so, see it as a time of excitement and opportunity: a chance to re-explore the question of what you were meant to do.

Alternatively, you may be carrying on in a role that hasn’t suited you for some time, if ever. Perhaps it’s time to do something different.

When people are doing what they’re meant to do, most of them have a big grin on their face. Do you? Consider this: How you spend your day and who you spend it with is your life.

Perhaps you feel that you have to spend your day around people who you’d rather not be with. Ask yourself: If I knew I couldn’t fail, what would I do?

What Are Your Values?

Our core values rarely change – they’re constant throughout our lives. We can bring them to any situation and examine where and how they could be expressed.

Here are some questions you could ask yourself, based on my own core values:

What actions could you take to enjoy better health?
How could you show more integrity?
Where could you be more courageous?
What opportunities exist to build extraordinary relationships in your life?
How can you model greater leadership at work and at home?

Look at your skills and passions, and ask yourself how your values could be expressed through these. How could doing this be a catalyst for a new career opportunity?

If you’d like to receive regular updates from my blog straight to your feed reader, you can get the RSS feed by clicking here.

How to Say No – Without Damaging Your Relationships

September 21, 2011 By Barry

A “no” uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a “yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

– Mahatma Gandhi

One of the biggest reasons why people don’t like to say no is because they don’t want to damage a relationship.

There’s a great book called The Power of a Positive No by William Ury. The basis of this book is that there has to be an underlying yes that causes you to say no. The book gives a three-step process:

Step #1: Uncovering your “yes”

What’s the “yes” that you’re committed to, or that you believe in, or that you’re passionate about? This might be your family, your health, your well being, or doing work that you love.

In order to find a “yes”, it’s really important to understand our values, our beliefs, our commitments and our priorities. If we understand those things, we can make decisions that fit with them. Sometimes, that requires us to say “no” – but it also allows the person on the other side of the “no” to understand our reasoning.

Step #2: Empower your “no”

Use your “yes” as a reason and a justification to help you recognize that “no” is an appropriate response.

Saying “no” is about being present to what matters – and if we don’t say “no”, it costs us.

Step #3: Find an alternative “yes”

Decline the request gracefully, and instead of just saying “no”, offer an additional option or suggestion to help the person solve the problem, without you necessarily being involved.

When I have to say “no” to someone, I acknowledge that the request that they’re making does appear important, valuable, useful and/or relevant. I share the circumstances that prevent me from helping, or that have me make a different choice.

Observe your unhealthy yes’s and unhealthy no’s and reflect on what works and what doesn’t work. For instance, you might know that you need seven hours sleep to be your best, so you don’t want to say “yes” to a friend’s request to have another drink in the evening.

Take a moment to think about the things that you want to say “yes” to in your life. Is there anything that you need to say “no” to, as a result of these?

Seven Stress Management Techniques for the Workplace

August 24, 2011 By Barry

In every career, you’ll experience moments of stress in the workplace. In order to help reduce this, I recommend trying one or more of the following stress management techniques:

#1: Conduct “standing meetings”. When someone enters your office, stand up to talk to them. This will let them know that you have very limited time. Also, consider conducting a “walking meeting” so that issues can be discussed on the move.

#2: Learn the difference between the “urgent” and the “important” and make time for the latter. Are there any areas of your life that keep getting pushed aside? You won’t just “find” a few spare hours – you have to deliberately plan ahead to set this time aside.

#3: Let your actions spring from your personal goals and values. By living by your values, you’ll lead an authentic life where who you are is strongly connected to what you do. Values are part of the very fabric of our being and are fundamental to what makes us human.

#4: Eat your “elephant” one bite at a time. Break up your big projects into little projects. Turn your little projects into a list of individual tasks. Trying to put your whole “elephant” on one plate will only lead to overwhelm.

#5: Reward yourself for reaching particular goals. This helps to reinforce the behaviors you are developing. Ensure that your rewards don’t undo your hard work (for instance, avoid rewarding yourself for losing 2lbs by eating a large slice of pizza!)

#6: Take regular exercise. That means at least an hour of some moderate activity each day: try exercising first thing in the morning to make sure that you fit it in. You can split this into 20-30 minute segments if you prefer.

#7: Get outside during the day. Fresh air and sunlight are essential to your health and well-being. If you’re cooped up inside all day, especially in winter, the low sunlight levels will depress your metabolism, your energy level and your mood.

High levels of stress can be a symptom of poor time-management skills. To take back control of your time, get a free copy of my ebook Time Management Strategies and Tactics: A Workbook by putting your name and email address in the sidebar (top right).

Podcast on Solo Smarts: 24 Best Practices of Successful People

August 12, 2011 By Barry

I was the guest on the inaugural podcast of Solo Smarts, with Kelly McCausey.

In the podcast, I go through the 24 Best Practices of Successful People (one of my guest posts, on the FeelGooder blog).

During the introduction, I explain how I got started in coaching eighteen years ago, and why I’m affiliated with the International Coach Federation (ICF). I also talk about getting my very first client.

The main part of the podcast begins at the 11.14 mark, where Kelly and I start discussing the 24 Best Practices of Successful People:

Know your core values and design your professional and personal life around them.
Master the art of relationship building.
Identify your “successful” and “limiting” habits
Develop your leadership, management and coaching skills
Always do and be your personal best!
Life balance is bunk. What matters is that you are happy.
Give a little extra in all you do.
Use the power of consistent persistence.
Let others contribute to you. No man or woman is an island.
Take “massive action.”
Learn from your mistakes and be prepared to learn a lot.
Become a masterful networker and build your social capital.
Surround yourself with positive supportive people.
Eliminate or reduce the tolerations in your life
Un-yuck your life by creating a plan for optimal healthy living
Be self-ish. In order to be your best, you need to take care of yourself first.
Be a work-in-progress—always be learning.
Be a giver, a contributor, a person that makes a difference—a coach for others
Take risks and live each day with no regrets.
Learn to manage your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy and not just your time.
Know your strengths and use them as much as possible.
Stop working on your weaknesses or find a way to work around them.
Build the creative side of your brain.
Use the 4 magic words- more, less, start, stop.

During the podcast, we explore every item on this list. You’ll get to hear:

In-depth explanations about each point
Clear examples that help you to understand and apply the Best Practices
Some recommendations for further reading

To listen to the podcast, just go to Solo Smarts #1 and scroll down to the audio player (beneath the social networking sharing icons). Click on “Play” to start listening.

To listen to more of my podcasts, go to the Podcasts page on this site.

Winning The Game? Use The Scoreboards

March 16, 2011 By Barry

No matter what sporting event you enjoy, a scoreboard is often used to determine if the contestants are making progress towards their goal and to eventually identify the winner of the contest.

In sales the winning results that we desire are sometimes far in the future. With this in mind, my suggestion is to create an “Action Scoreboard” to demonstrate and measure progress toward your goal. Here is how it works in my business coaching company:

Keeping Score with The “Action Scoreboard”

My goals include securing individual and group coaching assignments, team workshops, speaking engagements, and executive retreats. Since the achievement of these goals is often a multiple-step process, I have broken the objectives down into a listing of some of the fundamental behaviors that I often take to produce these results. Each action item is given a point value and I track the totals on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.

My experience is that there is a high correlation between the level of action being taken and the outcomes that are achieved.

The Point System

One point actions include warm prospect calls, Linked in connections, writing a focused email message to a prospect or center of influence, researching an individual or company, or getting a business card from a prospect for follow up.

Two point actions include attending networking events, hot prospect calls, attending a business seminar, and giving or getting a qualified business referral.

Five point actions include setting a one on one new client discovery session, scheduling a presentation or speech, attending a business trade show, participating on a board of directors, and meeting with a center of influence.

Ten Point actions Actual face to face meetings including meetings over a meal or a cup of coffee with a qualified prospect.

Twenty point actions include securing an engagement. Feel free to add extra points based on the size of engagement.

What a Typical Day May Look Like

6 phone calls to warm prospects= 6 points

4 linked in connections= 4 points

1 discovery meeting with a viable prospect= 10 points

Giving 2 referrals and getting one referral= 6 points

Scheduling a speech on networking for a local business group= 5 points

8 follow-up e-mail messages and 6 follow up phone calls= 14 points

Securing a business coaching assignment with an attorney who wants to make partner and increase their business development success = 20 points

Total= 65 points

My challenge to you is for you to create your own game and point system that will allow you to act your way to better results.

Positive Motivation and Momentum To Start 2011

January 10, 2011 By Barry

2011 will offer many opportunities for change and challenges for both personal and professional growth. As these opportunities and challenges enter our lives, it is helpful to maintain a balanced perspective towards the positive outcomes that are developed from creating sustainable change. With this in mind, here are some thoughts to consider:

“The secret of man’s being is not only to live but to have something to live for.”

– Dostoyevsky

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bounds: Your mind trancends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed of yourself to be.”

– Patanjali

“I expect to spend the rest of my life in the future so I want to be reasonably sure what kind of future it’s going to be. That is my reason for planning.”

– C.F. Kettering

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“I don’t know what your destiny will be but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to server.”

– Albert Schweitzer

I welcome the opportunity to learn how you are using tools and information to sustain your goals for 2011 and can be contacted at 248-740-3231 or through my website – Michigan Business and Personal Coach.

Motivational Quotes For Your 2011 Preparation

December 30, 2010 By Barry

Motivation will play a big factor as you prepare your personal life and career for the New Year. With this in mind, we encourage you to take a few moments and to read the quotes below and reflect on how you plan to make 2011 your best year yet. The entire team at Barry Demp Coaching wishes you a happy and prosperous 2011.

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
– Virginia Satir

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
– William James

“Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.”
– Polly B. Berends

“In the world that is constantly changing, there is no one subject that will serve you for the foreseeable future, let alone for the rest of your life. The most important skill to acquire now is learning how to learn.”
– John Naisbitt

“Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing.”
– Helen Keller

Launching a New Life in the New Year

December 22, 2010 By Barry

As we launch ourselves into a New Year I thought I would share a series of quotes from a book called Life Launch by Frederic M. Hudson and Pamela D. McLean. Enjoy!

“Your past cannot be changed, but can change tomorrow by your actions today.”
– David McNally

“The daily pressures to act, to do, to decide, make it difficult to stop and think, to consider and to examine your life goals, directions, and priorities – to find the best choices you have managing your own world.”
– Roy Menninger

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if the can’t find them, make them.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“Developing a mission means seeing a pattern in the things and though that get you moving; assessing your resources; then formulating your feelings into words.”
– Charles Garfield

“Is there something in your life you would like to change? If so, first change your perception of the problem. When you can see yourself and your situation differently, you have already taken on the responsibility for your success.”
– Marilee Zdenek